


Crossroads

by morganaDW (morgana07)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Jensen Ackles, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Romance, Schmoop, Worried Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 11:49:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1647605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgana07/pseuds/morganaDW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part-time firefighter Jared is living life as well as he can given he lost the love of his life two years earlier when Jensen walked away after an attack changed their lives.<br/>Can an accident at a rural crossroads give him another chance? </p>
<p>Jensen's a man looking to rebuild his life. He ran from Jared and the life they had when the attack left him afraid and unsure. Now two years later on his way back to the town he left he finds himself trapped in his car and faced with the only man he still trusts to touch him in order to save him.</p>
<p>Can they recover from past pain to start fresh? Will Jensen be able to face the past to tell Jared the truth about why he left?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crossroads

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Language, minor explicit stuff toward the end. There's also mention of implied, past referenced rape but nothing graphic.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
> 
> Author Note: So this is my first 1-shot in the J2 AU arena since normally I've only been doing chapter pieces. It still turned longer than planned but I hope it turned out well. I will practice 1-shots in between chapter fics, lol.
> 
> It was beta'd by 'katsramblings' to which I offer my thanks.

**Crossroads**

“ _All units need backup out on old road 98 at the crossroad. Multiple car crash, hit and run, drunk driver involved_. _One victim trapped in car and hostile_.”

“Shit, shit, shit!” Jared Padalecki pounded the steering wheel. “Never fails, when I’m halfway across the county I get the call.” He swung his battered old truck into the parking lot behind the station so he could find out what was happening and see if he was needed.

He had been visiting family across the county when the blaring call of a massive wreck out on County Road 98, one of the older back roads in his tiny Texas town located about 75 miles outside of San Antonio, came through. The 26-year old was a mechanic by profession and a trained paramedic, so he volunteered for the small understaffed fire department when he could.

Jared had barely stepped into the station when he heard the deep gruff voice of the captain shouting for him from the office.

“Padalecki! Get in here!” JD Morgan was an older man who was still fit enough to go on calls when he needed but mostly stayed at the station to keep it running and direct the others to where they needed to go. Or in this case deliver some news he wasn’t sure would be welcome.

“Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner JD.” Jared stepped into the small office to see the board on the wall lighting up with calls from other units. “I would’ve gone straight to the scene but I’d left my stuff here so…”

Waving the rapid apology away JD motioned to a chair. “Sit down a second before you head out Jared,” he ordered. Morgan stood and moved around the desk, sitting on its edge while eyeing the 6’4” muscular young man.

JD had known Jared since the kid’s family moved to town when he’d been a toddler. He’d been his high school football coach and had watched him grow from a gawky, gangly teen growing into the muscular, if somewhat still clumsy young man he was today. He had also witnessed the kid figuring out his sexuality, which didn’t always make him popular in their small Texas town.

He’d watched him ignore the bigots and bullies that had tried to drive him out. Jared was the kind of bullheaded Texan who dug his heels in when he felt pushed and when he graduated college he returned to his home town with a plan for his life, both professionally and personally.

The Captain of the Boydston VFD had also been around to watch a piece of that life fall apart because of the hate and cruelty of others. The cruelty that finally drove him and his best friend and longtime boyfriend apart. Now he had to grab the kid before he stumbled into a mess out there that could bring it all back.

“Do you need me to go out there,” Jared asked? His fingers were tapping nervously on his knee, like he always did when he was wanting to be moving. “Or do they have enough help? What happened?”

“According to what I know it looks like some drunk idiot hit a car and because of the construction on the highway a lot more traffic has been using that back road so it just piled up. Most of the injuries seem minor but they have one guy trapped in a car and that’s where Chad’s unit is having issues,” JD told him seriously, seeing him nod and frown. “They can’t use the jaws of life to crack the car without crushing his legs.”

Pushing to his feet to pace, Jared frowned a bit more. “Can they get him out from the back or one of the doors?” he asked concerned about the victim. “How many cars were involved? Did they get the driver?”

“Six cars total. Steve’s got his people out looking for the car that started this by hitting the guy who’s still trapped. Most of the other victims were minor with scratches. A couple broken bones that were taken to the ER but they’re worried about this one since they can’t be sure how stable he is until they get him out and…he won’t let them touch him.”

Jared had been running angles through his head when that reached his ears and he turned slowly to stare at his superior. “He won’t let anyone touch him?” he blinked, surprised at that. He’d seen a lot of reactions in victims so that didn’t really surprise him but something in the way JD was watching him was making an uneasy feeling curl in his belly. “What did Chad say was his condition?”

“Shock, possible concussion, broken ribs, arm for sure. They’re not certain about his legs because they can’t get in the car to look closer. Murray said when you showed your face to tell you to get your ass out there. He’s handling all the other wrecks with the help of, a few units from out of town who don’t quite agree with his decision to not risk hurting the guy more. He got a bloody nose from trying to get a better idea of injuries,” JD reported, hearing a snort as they both knew that while Chad Michael Murray was a great firefighter he wasn’t as good with knowing when to keep his mouth shut. “He also says the guy’s asking for you.”

Jared had been turning to grab his kit and head out when that froze him. “Who is it, JD?” he asked cautiously, a feeling of dread building because there was only one person he knew that wouldn’t let Chad or another EMT touch him to get him out of a wrecked car, much less would ask for him by name.

“It’s Jensen,” JD replied grimly and then watched as Jared grabbed what he needed and peeled out of the parking lot in a rush to get to the scene of the wreck. “Damn it.” The older man muttered to himself.

Jensen. Even after two years the name could still cause mixed reactions in Jared. They’d been best friends since he started school. Jensen, two years his senior, stopped some school yard bullies from picking on him because as a little kid Jared had been short, chubby and desperately shy. It was instant friendship.

Back then Jensen Ackles had been the local boy on the wrong side of the tracks. His father was a drunk who drank his pay away in bars; while his mother supported four kids by cleaning houses and working in the local diner.

Jensen was smart, outgoing, tall and thin with a kind heart buried under a shell of sarcasm and uncaring. Only Jared really saw the truth and while they came from opposite worlds they were best friends through school.

It had been Jensen who helped Jared through the hard times when his parents split, when he was constantly bullied for being small and shy, and then he went through his growth spurt at 15 and began to get that he didn’t care for girls.

It had been Jensen, who’d always seemed to know he was gay, helped him understand and supported Jared when his mother turned him out because she disapproved of his choices. He’d allowed an unsure teen to see that despite all the changes he was going through, all the differences that others didn’t understand that Jared was still normal and also wanted.

Jensen had been Jared’s world for nearly his entire life. Best friends, as close as brothers, and also lovers. He’d been Jared’s first real kiss at 16, and at 17 he’d become Jared’s first and best lover. They had shared everything but it was a horrific incident that happened while Jared had been away at college that had started to change everything, change them.

Jared had gone to college on a scholarship, and help from his father but Jensen had stayed in their hometown to work and attend community college. It was during junior year that he had gotten a frantic phone call from a mutual friend that sent him flying back home to the discovery that Jensen, his strong willed, brave, stubborn best friend and boyfriend, had tried to kill himself by slicing his wrists.

Now, as Jared drove through the town as fast as his old Ford pick-up could drive him to the scene of the accident, he could still recall the weeks of keeping vigil beside Jensen’s bed before his withdrawn friend finally had broken down to reveal the awful truth that he’d been hiding from Jared and everyone for months.

A teacher at the college had offered to give him a ride home during a heavy rainstorm since his car had blown a rod. Instead of driving the short distance to the apartment Jensen and Jared shared he drove outside of town where he beat the young man to overpower him, tied him up and then raped him several times before dropping him off at the apartment with the warning to keep his mouth shut and get used to it.

The rage was still in Jared’s gut for what Jensen had endured alone; that the act of betrayal had caused Jensen to close into himself, push everyone away and sink into deep depression until finally the shame and fear that he lived with had caused him to try to take his life.

Jensen had dropped out of school two weeks later. He said it was because the guy had tried again and when he went to the police he was told sadly that there was no proof and the teacher was already casting doubt on Jensen’s own character saying that he harassed him sexually.

It had hurt Jared to watch such a strong man jump at any kind of noise and refuse any physical touch, including Jared’s own. Still Jared had thought they were coping…until the day he came home from his job at the garage to find Jensen packing.

The fight had been brief but painful for both of them and Jared still wasn’t sure what had caused Jensen’s rapid decision to pull up roots and leave not only the town but also him. All he knew was that he’d watched his best friend walk out of their apartment and his life two years ago and now he was rushing to the sight of a wreck where Jensen was trapped, probably seriously hurt…and asking for him.

Jared could see the flashing lights even before he got close. There were a few wreckers in place trying to move cars as well as several local cop cars, a sheriff’s cruiser, and a few state police. Ambulances and fire trucks from outside their area were also present

Pulling over to the side of the road Jared grabbed his jacket, but left everything else in the truck until he saw what was needed. He flashed an ID badge to a state trooper to let him know that he was allowed to be there but before he could say anything he jerked his head around at a sharp voice that could be heard shouting from further down the road.

“No! What part of ‘no you are not using those damn things to cut into the car’ are you not understanding dude?” A guy dressed in jeans and a t-shirt but with the jacket of a firefighter was in the face of a guy from another squad, poking him in the chest even though the other guy was 6 inches taller and a good 60 pounds heavier. Being the smaller guy never bothered Chad Michael Murray in the least.

At 6’ he was far from small but he was lanky and usually a nervous ball of energy that never stopped moving or talking so a lot of people tended to take him for immature and rash. He might be the last one but he was also determined and good at his job. Chad tended to go with his gut more than regulation, which is why he was growling now.

“My people have this under control now Baker. You can take your truck and men back to your station and leave this to us,” Chad was shooting a death glare at another fireman who was working to get near the dented and mangled older model Chevy four-door sedan.

“Just let us see if the cutter will work, Murray,” the guy argued back, nodding for his man to continue to the car despite what the local lead firefighter argued.

“I have an axe and I’m not afraid to use it,” Chad growled at them while reaching up to make sure his nose had stopped bleeding. “The way this thing is dented you’d crush his legs if you used that so back off. I’m going for Plan B.”

“I could’ve had him out of this tin can an hour ago if you’d let us cut the front open, Murray,” the other fireman snapped back, throwing a hand out to indicate the car. “Guy ain’t in his right head or something! No one says don’t touch them when they’re trapped in a car that could explode!”

Ignoring Baker’s words, and a really well put together strong line of curses that came from the injured man trapped inside, Chad started to step up to the bigger guy when a voice from behind him had him blowing out a breath.

“About fuckin’ time,” he muttered, spinning to face Jared. “You get yourself lost in a town this small or what,” he demanded. Whirling he aimed a finger at the other unit’s senior man, “Do not touch that car, or him or I will go find that axe.”

“You’re wasting time by not just ignoring him and pulling him out,” Baker, snapped back but gave a slight sneer when he noticed Jared’s arrival.

“I guess your department must not have rules if he’s still in it,” he narrowed his eyes to glare. “We don’t need the faggot. My boys can get the guy out if you’d get out of the way.”

“No,” a shaky voice came from the car. “Don’t…touch me!”

“Dude, settle down and stay calm in there!” Chad urged while planting himself firmly as he turned to offer a cool look while grabbing a local cop by the shoulder. “Hey! Baker here just called Jared a faggot. Would it be cool if I put my axe in his head for mouthing off about one of our guys?”

Steve Carlson, the head of the Boydston Police Department did an about face to look between the two glaring men, at the car, and then at Jared before shaking his head. “No, you can’t use that axe on Baker but I will place a call and have his truck recalled,” he replied eyeing the man with distaste.

“You can take your prejudices out of my wreck zone now and leave this to the local truck and EMTs. Jared, talk to him and see if he’ll let you get a pulse rate at least,” he urged, nodding to a grumbling Chad. “He tried but then got a bloody nose for his efforts.”

“Please, you think this is the first time Ackles has bloodied my nose?” Chad snorted, tugging Jared closer to the car while ignoring the other firemen in the area except for those he knew. “At least once or twice a week since middle school and he got lucky this time cause I wasn’t expecting him to throw a punch at me for just feeling for a pulse.”

“Though you should have,” Jared murmured lowly, shrugging off the sneers and dark looks from the other department. “How bad is he?”

Chad eyed the car and then Jared before pitching his voice lower. “Can’t be sure how bad he might be hurt internally. He’s got a definite concussion, broken arm, some ribs and probably whiplash. The drunk who hit him clipped the side which is what pinned the door in and then he collided with another car while trying to regain control,” he jerked a head at the machine that had been brought out. “If we cut into the front we’d crush his legs which right now seem unpinned but one might be broken since he screamed when he went to move.

“Matt and I figure we can use the torch to cut some of the back roof and trunk out, break the rear window and take him out that way but the problem is he won’t let us touch him,” Chad ran his fingers through his pale blond hair to get it even dirtier than it was since he hadn’t been wearing his helmet.

“When I realized who it was I got the guys to back off cause I know he won’t let strangers touch him.” He paused a beat to add quietly. “When he saw it was me, the first thing he asked was if you were here. When I explained you were coming, since I figured you were, he just started asking for you every time I went over to check on him. I know you two have history and it’s been awhile since he left town…can you handle this?”

“It’s my job,” Jared returned simply while ignoring the nerves in his stomach. Moving to the ambulance he grabbed some stuff. “Chris working trauma today?” he asked as he tried to think ahead.

“If he’s not he will be by the time I call and get his goddamn ass outta bed,” Chad replied, accepting the question as normal for this situation as Jared and he knew that getting Jensen freed wouldn’t help if he wouldn’t let the staff at the local ER near him. “Tell me if you think we can get him out from the back if we cut. I think you can probably squeeze in from the back side door since it looks like the only door that wasn’t jammed.”

Jared nodded and approached the smashed car that looked like it had seen better days even before it was wrecked by some asshole drunk driver. He noticed Chad moving back to the front driver’s side to kneel down and was speaking.

“C’mon, at least let me take your blood pressure,” he was coaxing only to move back when a hand swung wildly as if to push him away. “You missed me by a mile, dude. I think your concussion is getting worse.”

“I…I think I broke my hand when I punched you earlier,” Jensen replied with a strained cough, trying not to move since right then he was only in minor agony. He tensed when a voice he didn’t know spoke to Chad from too close to the car before he once again asked, “Where’s…where’s Jared, Chad?” He figured if he was going to die in his junk, now ruined junk of a car then he might as well get to do what he’d finally gotten the nerve to come home to do. “Does…does he know about…”

“Jen.”

The low voice that spoke from just over his right shoulder had Jensen starting, gasping as his broken arm and ribs jarred. A firm familiar hand closed over his shoulder to urge him to stay still as a large body pulled itself up between the front seats from the rear and he was caught in the worried hazel eyes of the man he’d loved and still cared for. The man he’d come back to where his life had changed to see.

“Jay,” he murmured, feeling something loosen in his chest at just seeing the younger man who hadn’t looked like he’d changed much in the two years since Jensen had walked away. It stunned him just how much seeing him now brought back all the buried memories and emotions. “You’re…here…” he bit off the sudden pain as he tried to keep his arm from moving as the car shifted to allow Jared to slide further up.

“I would’ve been here sooner if I hadn’t been across the county visiting Kelli,” Jared replied quietly, using the sunlight coming in the cracked windshield to take a good look at his former lover. He noted the changes in Jensen since the last time they’d seen one another.

Jensen was 6’1” with a natural lean and lanky body that had slender muscles. Two years ago the depression and issues had made Jensen pale and drawn. Now his face had filled out again and wasn’t as sickly looking, even though right then he was pale from pain and shock.

As Jared moved he could see the short dark blond hair was a little longer than the short messy spikes it had been back then. He also noticed it had blood in it from where Jensen’s head must have bounced from the steering wheel or connected with the airbag that had inflated.

“How bad you hurting, Jen,” Jared asked. “Can I touch you to take your pulse?”

Despite all the therapy he’d been undergoing since leaving Jared, since moving to Baton Rouge to try to start over, to try to forget the hell of his past that was the one thing that Jensen still had issues over. He couldn’t stand being touched unless it was by someone he trusted fully and out of all the people he knew there was really only one man who fell under that heading and he was with him now.

“Only you,” he thought he heard a snort from outside but stayed focused on Jared as his hands moved carefully to press two fingers to the side of his neck. “Is it bad?”

Understanding the question Jared was slow as he proceeded to check for more serious wounds, including pressing a hand over Jensen’s stomach. He was relieved to not see the other man wince or show pain there so that assured him a little that they weren’t dealing with internal injuries.

“Car’s shot and we can’t cut you out from the front without risking crushing your legs so Chad and the guys are going to try to cut the back out with a torch so we can move you straight out of here and onto a stretcher,” he told him seriously, feeling him tense. “It’ll take some time to cut and get everything ready to move you so I need you to be honest with me, Jensen. Are you in enough pain to need a shot of morphine?”

“Hurts, but not that bad,” Jensen gritted his teeth when probing fingers touched his ribs and he yelped. “Unless you do that!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Jared cringed, a closer look showed him that Jensen’s breathing was strained but knew that could be from shock and stress as well as the fear that he knew his friend was feeling. “Chad!”

“Yo!” Chad’s head appeared in the side window, hard hat now on his head as another firefighter began to ready a torch. “We good here for the moment?” he asked while sliding a blanket as well as a heavy thicker style blanket in through the window, careful to not touch or nudge the injured man. “Matt says to let him know when he can start cutting. We have a stretcher ready and Kane is working the ER so he said he’d be ready as soon as you get him out.”

Jared nodded, discarding the thinner blanket in favor of placing his leather jacket over Jensen to help keep the shock his body was in from getting worse. He then worked to spread the other blanket out fully before putting it over them both to help shield from flying glass, shards of metal, and sparks when they begin cutting the car.

“Jay!” Jensen tried to move, to reach for Jared as soon as the blanket was put over him and it all went dark. “Where…?”

Hearing the start of wild fear Jared pulled himself closer, catching Jensen’s good hand in one of his while reaching into his pocket for his keys which had a small LED flashlight on the keyring.

“Shhh, I’m here with you, Jen,” he reassured the man as the little LED offered enough light to ease some of the childhood fear of the dark that Jensen still hadn’t shaken to this day. “The blanket will protect you from getting hurt more when they bust out the back windows and start to cut into the metal,” he explained feeling Jensen trying to shift his body as if seeking to move closer to him. He tightened his hand around his while pressing it over his heart so that Jensen would feel it beating and hoped he’d use that as a distraction. “Do your legs hurt?”

Jared didn’t see any shards of metal sticking out of them and as he looked now he could see Jensen tensing his legs as if testing them, moving them as much as he could right then.

“A little,” Jensen admitted letting his head rest back against the seat before slowly letting it lay over to rest against Jared’s shoulder. “I’m actually surprised I’m not in more pain. Though I guess a little pain is better than none at all.”

“If you weren’t in any pain in your legs then I’d be freaking out and screaming at Chad to get his ass in gear,” Jared offered a small grin, hearing a shout from outside to tell him they were starting. “There’s going to be some noise and you may feel some stuff hitting the blanket but it won’t come through. I’m with you and I’ll be the one getting you out so just try to relax, close your eyes but I can’t let you sleep since you’re concussed.”

“Talk to me, Jay,” Jensen closed his eyes for a second but opened again to stare into deep hazel eyes, turning his hand over in Jared’s to grasp his tightly, suddenly beginning to worry as it sank in how bad this situation could be or could’ve been. “Need to hear your voice. Missed hearing you.”

Jared swallowed thickly at that admission but he was quick to cover it and kept in his instinctive reply that he’d missed hearing Jensen’s deep husky voice too. As the sound of the windows breaking happened and then the torch cutting got louder he began to talk about anything he could think of that would keep Jensen’s mind off of the noise and his injuries.

He told him about the small run down house he bought on the outskirts of town and all the work it needed and what he’d already done. He told him about the stray dog and two cats that had adopted him. He spoke about his father and two sisters, but he didn’t speak of his mother and brother who still hadn’t accepted his lifestyle choice.

Jared told Jensen about his job as a mechanic in the small town, about his time volunteering with the fire department and a few cases that might be interesting but he stopped when he felt the body next to him tense. “Jensen?” he moved the tiny light so he could look at his face as if gauging pain only to frown when he saw tears on pale cheeks. “Hey, what’s wrong? The pain getting worse or do you need me to tell them to stop so I can move this blanket a minute?”

“I’m sorry, Jared,” Jensen suddenly whispered, turning his face into Jared’s neck and let himself breathe in the oh so familiar scent that he thought he’d forgotten.

“Sorry? For what?” Jared asked, confused. “This wasn’t your fault, Jen. Some dumbass drunk driver hit you and kept going but you’ll be fine. I promise I’ll get you outta here…unless Chad and Matt blow us up with the torch.”

“I heard that!” Chad’s voice was muffled behind the noise of the torch, screeching metal and the heavy blanket as he tapped a metal canister on where he knew Jared’s head was under the blanket. “Here. Take this in case it gets a little close in there.”

Trying to keep his one hand on Jensen’s to maintain contact and hold the small flashlight Jared made a frustrated sound as he stuck the light between his teeth long enough to reach out to grab the small oxygen container with attached mask.

“Do you need this right now?” he asked with concern as he noticed that Jensen’s breathing was becoming slightly more erratic. “Jen, I need you to tell me if something’s wrong or if you’re in pain.”

“I’m sorry, Jay,” Jensen repeated but this time went on. “For leaving. I’m sorry for hurting you and for walking away without telling you the reason I had to leave,” he paused for a beat, gritting his teeth as his broken arm was jarred when something made the car jerk unexpectedly.

“Damn, this is starting to hurt more,” he groaned, wondering if the pain was finally coming on more because he was partially relaxed since he wasn’t alone and because it was Jared with him.

Jared arranged the little light between them so it would still shine up to give illumination while freeing his other hand to reach into the small pack to remove a needle, quickly soothing Jensen when he felt him tense at the sight of it.

“It’s just a little shot of pain med to take the edge off for now and for when we do move you outta here,” he reassured him, skillful enough to give the shot with barely a pinch and watched as it began to take some of the pain away. “I won’t say it didn’t hurt when you left cause it did…it still does cause I still love you, Jen,” he began slowly, pitching his voice so only Jensen could hear him.

“I was scared, Jay,” Jensen admitted but wondered if he had the guts to admit the rest. He’d come to realize so much while in therapy and had finally agreed with his therapist that he’d never truly be over the fear if he let it keep him from the one thing missing in his life that made him complete. “It was so hard watching you leave for work every day and not knowing if…”

“Hey, I know it’s scary wondering if something might happen to me but it’s not like we have fires like they do in San Antonio or Dallas,” Jared had known that Jensen had been worried about him being a part-time firefighter but he hadn’t thought it was bad enough to result in him ending their relationship over. “I always told you that I’d be fine. If you were scared over that why didn’t you talk to me or…Jensen?”

Shaking his head slowly as to not annoy the headache that was starting to buzz between his eyes Jensen pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth like he did when he was nervous or scared to say something. “It wasn’t that…well not all of it was,” he murmured. “Jay, I was so messed up from what he did that even after I got out of the hospital when I tried to…when I wanted to die, even after everything you tried to do to help me I knew I was a mess.”

“Jen, you had a right to be messed up and scared after that.” It still annoyed Jared that the teacher who’d raped his friend had gone unpunished and taught at the community college until last year when the new dean was apprised of some of his less than professional activities with several past and current students.

“You were hurt by someone you should’ve been able to trust so we all knew it was hard for you to cope, especially that day the jackass had the nerve to come up to you when we were having dinner in the diner.”

“Did I ever tell you how much I appreciated that you managed to only hit him once that night?” Jensen’s smile was small, but it was there as he felt himself lean more against Jared.

Jared snorted, reminding himself of where they were and that he still didn’t know Jensen’s reasons for leaving or coming back so he made himself resist what his head and heart wanted to do. “I didn’t hit him. He tripped and fell into my fist,” he corrected with as much a straight face as he could manage even then. “Both Chad and Chris testified to that but if I had punched him I wanted it to be more. I wanted to hurt him for what he did to you…I still do.”

“I know,” Jensen murmured, thinking to that time. He could recall the restless nights when he’d wake up screaming and how he couldn’t function on a daily basis especially if it meant going outside the apartment unless Jared was with him. It was in the middle of a panic attack when it had finally hit home for Jensen, all his fears and guilt had swamped him and he needed to be the one to make the break before Jared saw the dead-end they were heading for.

“I was scared to be alone, Jared,” he admitted finally, dropping his eyes to the muscular chest in front of him when his fingers felt something under Jared’s t-shirt.

“But you weren’t alone, Jen. I was right there with you,” Jared was confused and it showed on his face as his brow wrinkled. “I thought you knew that. I told you that I’d always be there with you and for you like you were for me all those times.”

It honestly amazed Jensen that even after all this time that so much of Jared was still the naïve kid he’d always been that tried to see the good in people or situations and never looked down on anyone. Jared had never once looked at Jensen any differently after the attack. To Jared he was still his best friend, his boyfriend, his hero who could tackle any bully, and back then Jensen had wished that had still been true.

“I was a raging mess before I left Jared. I was jumpy, on edge, scared, ashamed and confused. I had nothing going for me, no skills apart from cooking or working on cars. You’d gone so far beyond me that every day it just hit me that you could walk out the door and decide you wanted something more,” Jensen told him, fingers tracing the small round object under the shirt when he heard the sharp inhale.

“I got scared that you’d see how much more you could have with someone else and I had to be the one to leave Jay. I had to be the one to make the break or else hearing those words from you would’ve killed me. So I packed and ran without being honest with you and I’ve hated myself for that for two years.

“I moved to Baton Rouge and thought I’d be dead outside of a month because without you there was nothing to keep me going,” he winced at the loud sound of metal bending and curses coming from outside the car.

“I missed your smile, your laugh, the way you could always cheer me up and most of all I missed waking up to you curled around me in the mornings,” he felt warm skin as Jared lifted his face gently so their foreheads touched; a very gentle and familiar gesture between them.

“After I get you out of this wreck and you get out of the hospital I will probably kick your ass for having so little faith in me that you actually thought that I’d want to leave you or that I wasn’t happy with how we were,” Jared told him softly shifting a long arm over to carefully move Jensen more against him; both because he wanted to and because he wanted to try to keep the car’s sudden jarring motion from causing him pain. “Jen, I loved you since before I knew what loving you was.

“Sure, things were stressed and yeah, I knew you were having issues that I wished I could’ve helped you over better than I did but I loved you too much to give up on us,” he was careful of Jensen’s neck and head when he gently tipped his chin up. “If you’d’ve asked or said that’s what you were worried about I would’ve moved heaven and hell to show you differently, Jen. I would’ve quit my job and moved with you if you needed out of this town. And I would’ve understood if you needed some time. I’ve missed you too and…I…I still love you even though I know it’s probably too late to tell you that.”

“It’s not too late,” Jensen murmured, the background noise fading as he turned his full attention to Jared. “I…I came back, was coming back today to see you…to talk to you, to tell you why I left because…” he suddenly gasped in pain as the car shook and his head suddenly began to throb.

“Jay? I don’t think that shot worked very long cause…I…I suddenly don’t feel so hot.”

“Shit!” Jared saw Jensen’s face go paler just as he noticed that his hand was cold despite still being enclosed within Jared’s own.

“Jensen?” he felt for a pulse and swore when it was faster than before. “Shit, you’re slipping more into shock. Your body must have calmed down now that the adrenaline wore off from and you’re going under. I need to get you outta here now.”

Jensen wasn’t sure what was happening. One second he was about to tell Jared how he still felt and what else he’d planned and then his arm, ribs, back and head were on fire with pain while his eyes were trying to swim. He closed them so he wouldn’t throw up.

“Jared?” He thought he felt a light brush of lips over his forehead before a warm hand was laid on his shoulder.

“You’ll be fine, Jensen,” Jared whispered in reassurance, starting to move the blanket off of his head so he could get a feel for how much longer when he suddenly felt a rush of cool fresh air and heard voices shouting.

“Chad!”

Chad’s sweaty face poked into the newly cut out back section of car. “What?” he countered, using a heavy glove to wipe off any sharp pieces of metal.

“You ready to move him? We’ve got a stretcher ready and the EMTs are pacing around waiting so…what’s wrong?” He’d caught the sudden anxiety on Jared’s face as well as sounds of low moaning and swore. “You gonna need help moving him?”

“…No!” Jensen’s voice was tight now but determined. He was working to get over a lot of his phobias and triggers but being touched still was his biggest one. He thought he could handle Jared’s hands on him and maybe someone at the hospital but anyone else and he knew he’d lose it. “I…I can move. I’ll…”

“You try what you’re thinking and you’ll hurt yourself more.” Jared moved the blanket, shutting off the little light so he could toss his keys to Chad while also handing his friend the oxygen and the small bag. He quickly accessed where the stretcher was while trying to reach around the seat to pull the lever that controlled the back of the seat. It still worked so he could lay Jensen down flat, hearing a choked cry as the seat went down let him know that Jensen was hurt worse then he’d thought.

“All I want you to do to try to push with your legs until I get you clear of the seat and then let me bear your weight.” Jared shifted in the car so he could move more freely while carefully slipping his hands under Jensen’s arms to slowly begin the process of removing him from the wrecked car.

It took what seemed like forever to Jensen because Jared would move just a little, then stop to allow Jensen to get his breath back or make sure he wasn’t in too much pain or about to throw up. Before he’d started he’d slipped a neck brace on him to be safe; as well as tried to immobilize his broken arm as best he could, and that alone had left Jensen gritting his teeth and remembering a few words that he hadn’t felt like saying in a few years.

“You’re almost out, Jen,” Jared was saying after the last rest, nodding to one of the EMTs to hand him something. “This last move is the trickiest so…we’re going to put you on a back board so you won’t be jostled too badly.”

Jensen had lived with Jared long enough and they had mutual friends in the medical field that he knew what that was and also that it meant strapping him to the board. His fingers clenched but he felt them taken and held in support until he nodded shakily.

“Jay?” he tried to hold on, not letting go until Jared moved so he could see his face. “Will…will you come with me?”

“I planned on it.” Jared had indeed planned to go in the ambulance. He knew the EMTs, and Chad promised their friend Chris was on duty at the ER but he wanted to make sure Jensen stayed calm.

“Look at me now, Jen.” He waited until glassy green eyes found his to pull the chain out that he wore around his neck, to let what it held drop against his chest. Jared could see that despite the pain and shock Jensen had recognized the simple rings.

“I still have the feelings that I did when we exchanged these on graduation night. It’s been two years since you left but I never stopped loving you or wanting you. I know what you said when you walked out the door that day but…if you meant what you just said to me then tell me now why you were coming back here today.”

A slight prick on his arm told Jensen that he’d been given another shot of something and this time he figured it was the good stuff since he could almost feel the pain leaving him and his thoughts were drifting off. He struggled to force his now heavy eyes open as Jared’s handsome face began to swim in and out of focus.

“For you,” he got out, words starting to slur but he lifted his good arm to try to touch the face that wouldn’t stay still until a hand caught his to place it against a warm cheek. “I…wanted to talk…to you, to see you; to see if maybe…you’d forgive me and…take me back, stupidity notwithstanding.”

“No stupidity here unless it’s me being stupid for letting you walk out without pushing the issue or not following you like I wanted to more than once.” Jared smiled, dimples winking for a brief moment before he leaned in close. “We’ll talk more later. Right now, close your eyes and cuss Chad for any pain this move causes you,” he told him quietly, wanting to say more or do more but he knew this wasn’t the time or place so would wait.

Jensen figured he wouldn’t feel too much and mumbled something that made Jared’s smile grow and then he was nodding to Chad and another firefighter to take the bottom of the backboard so they could move Jensen out and onto the waiting stretcher.

“He’s clear!” Chad had never been more on edge during a rescue as he was on this one. It wasn’t that he didn’t worry during normal rescues or wrecks but since this time he knew the victim and also knew how much Jared had been longing for Jensen since they broke up he worried that this might end up hurting the soft hearted guy more than the original breakup had.

“You got this?” he asked Jared but knew the answer even as he was reminded of the truck keys in his hands. “Guess so. You go with the medics to take Jensen to the ER while I stay here and clean up,” he waved it away like it was something he didn’t normally do.

“Hey! Try not to punch Kane when he tells you that you can’t go certain places. Remember…for a doctor he’s a scary, scary dude.”

Jared waved that off since he already knew he’d probably clash with the ER doctor the first time he told him that he had to step away, but knowing he stood a chance of fixing the rift between himself and Jensen it would take a crowbar to make him leave the injured man now.

“Stay?” Jensen asked, voice low and slurred but Jared got a nod from a female paramedic that it was just the painkiller making him this way in addition to the shock.

“I’m not leaving you Jensen,” Jared promised firmly as they slid the stretcher with the backboard into the waiting ambulance before he climbed in after it. He tried not to get in the way of the paramedics trying to take Jensen’s pulse and blood pressure while the painkillers had him more agreeable to touch.

“I’ll be here when you wake up and I hope you’ll remember most of what we’ve said or else this could get a little awkward.”

** 14-hours later: **

“Considering the state Chad said his car was in and how hard it was to get him out I’m surprised he didn’t have more injuries than he does but Jensen’s lucky to just have two broken ribs, six cracked ones, that busted arm and a slight concussion,” Chris Kane finished writing a note on the chart in his hands while looking between the still sleeping man in the bed and a pacing Jared to roll his eyes.

Chris had gone to high school with both men so he’d been around for their ups, their downs, Jensen’s attack and the pain that followed. He’d watched the toll that time had taken on both of his friends but especially Jensen and he’d suspected the reason that he’d left Jared. Now the stocky young doctor hoped that Jensen’s return would be a good thing for both of his friends.

Sticking his pen in a pocket Chris ran a hand through the long black hair that he kept pulled back while eyeing Jared closely. “You should go get some food,” he pointed out in his usual deep, gruff voice since he’d gathered from Chad’s big mouth when he got to the hospital that Jared had come straight from a family thing to the sight of the accident and hadn’t eaten the rest of the day.

“No, I said I’d be here when he woke up,” Jared refused the advice, turning from the window to move closer to the bed to slump in a chair. He carefully reached to take the hand that was lying on the bed to hold it loosely in his, running his thumb over the palm without thinking about it.

“He’ll be okay though?” he asked even though he’d already asked the man that five times before.

“Jensen will be fine, Jare,” Chris assured him, fighting not to growl at the repeated question since he got how worried the younger man was and also how nervous he must be now.

“Motor-mouth out in the hall said you guys were talking or something while he and Cohen were chopping the back of the car out. Want to share now or should I wait until Chad gets you drunk to pump you for details?”

Jared lifted his eyes, shadowed by worry and exhaustion, up to merely smirk, “I stopped letting you and Chad get me drunk after that one time and no, I’m not sharing what we talked about.” He glanced back down to stare at Jensen’s bruised, pale face but found that his attention went to the long lashes that were fluttering against his cheek as if Jensen’s mind were active in his sleep.

“Besides…he might not even remember any of it.”

That was what worried Jared the most now; that his former boyfriend wouldn’t recall anything they’d said to one another under that blanket or once Jensen was on the stretcher. Jared wasn’t sure what to do if that was the case.

Normally Chris would back off. He knew how private Jensen had been even before the incident and Jared kept to himself when it came to his personal life or lack of as Chad liked to point out.

He was about to offer the old adage that talking about it often helped when he suddenly felt an intense look and smiled wryly. “Even after two years apart you still wake up if you think he’s being bullied,” he remarked and met the clear green eyes that were watching him from under half open lids. “Been awhile Jensen.”

“Your…bedside manner…sucks, Kane,” Jensen muttered through dry lips, fingers closing automatically when he felt Jared start to let go, but for the moment he kept his gaze on the doctor. “So…am I living?”

“Thanks to Jared you are,” Chris nodded toward where Jared was sitting chewing his lip like he had as a teenager when nervous. “You’re going to be dizzy for a day or so because you have a concussion and sore but since I hear your car is now in the scrap yard I guess I don’t have to give the lecture about trying to drive.”

Jensen shot him a blank look then turned his gaze slowly to beside him, seeing Jared and no longer interested in their friend or his medical advice. “Jay.”

“Hey,” now that things were calm, now that there was no danger or hurry to save Jensen’s life it was like a heaviness was building in his chest making it hard to breathe as he worried.

“Umm, I wasn’t sure and I didn’t think to ask if there was anyone you wanted called to tell about the accident or that you’re alright,” he kept his eyes down but shifted them to watch as his hand was turned over so Jensen could place his against it with their palms touching. “Friends, employer…someone else that it’s really none of my business?”

“No, there’s no one back there like that,” Jensen was awake enough that he could recognize Jared’s nerves because he had the same tense habits when unsure as he always did. “I have a few friends but none that would give a damn. I quit my job after my therapist and I agreed that I needed to settle this one piece of unfinished business before I could begin to finally move on.”

“Oh,” Jared murmured, swallowing the lump in his throat and the fall of his heart as he gave a blind nod. “So…ummm…was I this unfinished business?” he asked, swearing he could do this without falling apart and cursing his own heart for jumping to conclusions given that Jensen had been in shock earlier.

Jensen heard the drop in tone and frowned, realizing what Jared must be thinking because he tried to sit up only to fall back with a low groan as pain surged in his broken, bruised body. “No, you’re hopefully the good side of being able to move on; of being able to let go and heal after years of hating myself for not being able to stop him and hating him for thinking he could rape me all because I was labeled years ago the bad boy from the other side of the tracks and gay to boot.

“I wasn’t rich, I wasn’t smart enough to carry all A’s and I was alone…no, don’t. I don’t blame you for not being there and I never did,” he tugged until Jared slowly moved to sit on the edge of the bed, their fingers meshing almost naturally.

“Jared, I loved you. I was so damn proud that you got that scholarship to go to Texas A&M. I made the choice to stay here rather than follow you and I also made the choice to hide what Parker did to me so what happened between us was my fault because I couldn’t let it go.

“No one expected you to let go of it. We all knew, I knew that you’d been hurt worse than you said and that you were having trouble coping with the nightmares and fears.” Jared remarked. He was careful when he reached up to touch Jensen’s face as if worried his touch would upset his friend like it had toward the end of the relationship, but then felt himself relax a little as Jensen leaned into the touch.

Jensen moved his good hand up to cover the hand on his face, surprised at how easy it was to fall back into old habits between them but also glad too. He’d been scared when he made the decision to come back, to visit Jared, that it wouldn’t feel the same after two years and so much pain, but despite the normal hesitation on both of their parts there was no glaring awkwardness like he’d feared there would be.

“I expected me to, Jared,” he replied slowly, taking a shaky breath. “I wanted it to go away. I wanted to still be the man I was before that night. I hated the man he turned me into but yet it was so damn hard for me to trust or believe what you or others said that with time I’d heal and that my nightmares and fears didn’t bother you. They bothered me so I couldn’t see how the hell they couldn’t be bothering you. I hated myself so much, Jay. I wanted to love like I did and I did, I do, but it got so hard when I couldn’t stand to let you touch me…and I did know that bothered you.”

“Yeah, it bothered me because every time you cringed or pulled back from me…even a casual touch, it reminded me that I’d let you down by not being there for you when you needed me to be,” Jared was glad not to see that same fear staring back at him today and hoped that meant his friend had managed to come to terms with what had happened to him.

“You said you didn’t blame me for not being in town with you, for leaving to go away to college well…I blamed me enough for both of us, Jen,” his thumb brushed down over Jensen’s jaw before letting his hand drop as his eyes also dropped to stare at the floor.

“I know I probably drove you crazy after you got out of the hospital and I probably pushed you into leaving because I was so hyper manic to keep you safe that I tried too hard to help when maybe I should’ve backed off a bit but…I loved you and it scared me when you tried to kill yourself.”

Jensen had learned a lot about himself in these past two years and he’d learned to take responsibility for his actions, good and bad. “I was scared too but I’d convinced myself that if I told you about it that you’d hate me or think I’d wanted it or be ashamed and…huh,” he stopped in mid-sentence when he noticed the vein on Jared’s forehead was pounding like he recalled it did when his former boyfriend was upset.

“You still have that vein that jerks when you’re pretending not to be angry, Jay.”

He reached up to lightly smooth over the twitching vein and smiled when it was held. “I know now that you wouldn’t have been and that I made everything worse by trying to handle it all on my own but you know how I was back then. I grew up looking out for myself and that took away every damn ounce of security I’d built up. In my head it was my job to be the protector, the supporter, so when I had the tables turned on me and I needed to let you be the strong one for a change it just made me fall apart more than I already was.

“I loved you with all my heart, Jared…but I was afraid if I stayed we’d end up hating one another and I couldn’t stand the thought of you walking away so…I was the one who walked,” he winced a little against the pain in his arm but stopped Jared from pushing the button for a nurse.

“It hasn’t been easy but…I think I can finally say I’m better than I have been since before it happened. I’ve been in therapy for about a year and a half and she’s helped me face and accept that things that I couldn’t before. And that includes coming back here.”

“Oh?” Jared felt his throat tighten as Jensen took his hand in his to turn it so their palms touched. “In the car you said…”

“I remember what I said, Jay,” Jensen assured him, voice dropping slightly while he worked to sit up but gave up with a disgusted sigh and shot Jared an exasperated look that made the other man smile and carefully ease an arm around Jensen’s shoulders to help him.

“I said I’d come back for you; that I hoped you could forgive me for hurting you and maybe we could start over, start fresh but when I said I’d also come back to settle unfinished business I meant facing coming back to town and facing the stares and also signing up for a few evening classes.”

Jared blinked a few times as that sank in. Opening his mouth to reply, but closing it as he considered the courage that it had taken for Jensen to not only want to return to the town that had never given him much consideration but also to go back on campus. While the actual assault hadn’t happened there Jared had been told by others how rough it had been on his boyfriend those few times he’d tried to return to class before he dropped out.

“Wait…you’re not…just in town to talk to me? You’re thinking of moving back or close by?” That possibility made Jared’s pulse race but he tried not to appear too eager; he didn’t want to run the risk of scaring Jensen out of whatever choice he’d made. “You want to go back to college…here?”

“I did a year in a community college in Baton Rouge and the dean said I could transfer those credits back here,” Jensen thought he’d be more nervous than he was, but he could read Jared like he always could. His initial fear of the younger man holding a grudge, or needing time to think about forgiving him was slowly easing away “My apartment was a month to month that mainly has my clothes, some pictures and probably a thousand letters I wrote to you but never had the guts to mail. Since I have to get a new vehicle anyway, now a good size one can bring all that down…once I find a place here.”

“Oh…umm…well…if you didn’t mind the hassle of a roommate I…may know of a house with an extra bedroom,” Jared hoped he didn’t sound as much like a scared kid asking his high school crush to the dance as he thought he did. “It’s not fancy and it still needs some work plus it comes with some spoiled animals but they’re friendly.”

“I don’t mind a roommate.” Jensen’s lips curved slightly, feeling Jared move his hand to grip the hand of the arm in a cast. The move freed Jensen’s good arm to move up to curl into the soft material of Jared’s t-shirt. “What’s he like?”

Jared heard the teasing and suddenly ached for the courage to risk a kiss but he’d let Jensen make that move since this was basically them starting over and he didn’t want to push too fast. “Oh, he’s tall with sort of long hair, trips over his own feet or the dogs. He’s a geek over a lot of things and likes junk food, old movies and is still head over heels in love with you.”

The last part was added softly with eyes dropping to the hand he was holding until he felt fingers moving up his shirt before curling into the collar to give a slight tug that pulled Jared forward until he had to catch himself by placing his other hand flat on the bed.

“He does, huh?” Jensen gave another pull until finally Jared’s face was close enough that he could feel the younger man’s breath ghosting over his face. As he watched Jared’s nervous little habit of licking his lips he recalled vividly the feel and taste of those lips and suddenly wanted to feel them like he used to.

“Well then I don’t think we’ll need the extra bedroom after all,” he murmured, feeling Jared start in surprise and used that to pull him the last inch until their lips touched. Despite all the strain between them toward the end of their relationship this kiss didn’t have any of the uneasiness or awkwardness he feared it might.

In the two years since leaving Jared, Jensen hadn’t allowed himself to date or get close to anyone physically. While he’d slowly gotten over the need to jump at noises, look over his shoulder, or lock himself in his apartment he still had the issue with touch. Which he hoped to get past that as well.

Jensen couldn’t think of the last kiss he and Jared had shared that hadn’t been tense or hesitant since he’d still been shell-shocked and Jared had always been worried about upsetting or hurting him. So while they’d still slept in the same bed touch, kisses, cuddling; the things that had been so natural to them had ceased.

Now as he instigated the kiss Jensen was surprised that he didn’t feel anything except the love that he’d never lost for Jared. He smiled against soft full lips that were still as he remembered them being and suddenly it was like the past two years apart hadn’t happened and he longed for the connection they’d once had.

“Soon,” Jared mumbled against his lips as if thinking the same thing, or knowing what Jensen was thinking.

“I know this won’t be easy and we’ll both have to take it slow but I swear if you can give this, give us another chance I swear I’ll be the best boyfriend I can be.”

“God, Jay, you were always the best boyfriend a guy could’ve wanted,” Jensen replied between kisses that soon turned heated. He gently teased Jared’s bottom lip between his teeth just to see if the younger man would make the same low sounds he always had, and chuckled when he heard what he wanted.

“You were the best boyfriend, the greatest friend I could ever have wanted…that I still want,” he finally let go allowing Jared to pull back but smiled when instead of pulling back fully and retaking his seat in the chair Jared carefully moved so he was sitting with his back to the headboard and laced their fingers together.

“You were the most important person in my life since the day we first met and I hope we can rebuild what we had.” Jared made certain to keep his touch light when he slowly moved to put his arm around his friend, and relaxed fully when Jensen leaned into his shoulder.

“Have you decided on what you’ll major in,” he asked curiously.

Jensen had but he was still having doubts if he could do it or not. “I…I sort of decided to study Psychology,” he admitted, waiting to see what Jared’s first reaction to that would be.

“Therapy helped me so I want to give back. Maybe if I actually get a degree I can volunteer at some shelters or help people who were put in the position I was in…that I’m still climbing out of.” He glanced up to see Jared’s face alight with a huge smile. “You think I can actually pull that off?”

“Pull it off?” Jared’s dimples showed as he smiled, squeezing the fingers in his hand. “Jensen, I think you’d be an awesome therapist. I’ll help you as much as I can and you can practice on Chad.”

“Jay, I’m not a miracle worker,” Jensen stuck his tongue in his cheek while adding. “Chad’s brain needs a lot more than a therapist I think. An X-ray to make sure he has one sometimes would come in handy too.”

Jared’s laugh could still make Jensen smile because ever since they were kids when Jared laughed fully it was always from the heart and real, not a fake chuckle or small laugh. Hearing it now gave Jensen a feeling of finally being where he needed to be. He found that he actually didn’t mind the accident at the crossroad that wrecked his car and broke his arm and a few ribs because it brought him home and he looked forward to the future.

** Fourteen months later: **

“Jen! Jensen! Damn it, Jen, where are you?”

The front screen door slammed as Jared didn’t bother to pull it closed when he entered their house. He’d been in too much of a hurry to get home from the moment Carly, the waitress from the diner, stopped by the garage to tell him what she’d seen while going to her history class that morning.

As soon as the bright and cheerful waitress told him that she’d seen former Professor Carl Parker in the hall of the community college and looking at Jensen he’d been trying to get his boyfriend to pick up the phone, but all his calls had gone to voicemail.

Chris was on call at the hospital and Chad was swamped with his own work so neither of them had been free to swing by the college or the house to make sure the asshole, who shouldn’t have even been allowed on the campus, hadn’t said anything to upset Jensen.

Ever since Jensen got out of the hospital and moved in with Jared, and the array of animals that lived with him, the pair had quickly found that being apart for two years really hadn’t changed them all that much. Their quirks and habits were pretty much the same and that meant Jared’s habit of dropping stuff wherever he was at the moment still annoyed Jensen to no end, and Jensen’s habit of needing the dishes in the kitchen to be organized by size and color was still the most annoying and amusing thing Jared’s seen.

They’d moved slowly at first as Jared was determined not to rush things, or push Jensen into anything. However Jensen had other ideas. The extra bedroom in the house was only used as an office so Jensen would have someplace private to study, do homework or hide out when Chad and a few others came over to play video games and he didn’t want to be social.

It was never used to sleep in as Jensen had made it plain from the first night he’d stepped foot in the place that even if they spent the next year cuddling and just making out that he wanted to go to sleep with Jared and also wake up with him.

It took a month of hot kisses, slow hands, a couple hand jobs, and a blow job that reminded Jared of how good his boyfriend was at using his mouth for other things besides kissing him senseless until finally Jensen took the younger man off guard one night. He stepped from the shower to find his boyfriend stretched out on their bed naked, relaxed and also fully hard.

“I’m tired of sidestepping what we both know we want Jared. I’m tired of you still thinking that you can’t make love with me, or do the things we used to do before I was raped,” Jensen sat up to hold out his hand.

“I want to feel you, Jay. I want to feel those long fingers on me, in me and finally I want to be able to feel you tomorrow. Now unless you can look me in the face and tell me that you really don’t want sex with me then…”

The rest of the sentence was cut off when Jared practically leaped onto their bed to meet Jensen’s kiss fully. They lost themselves in each other and a night of making love that left both young men satisfied, tired, but also happy and in love.

It went without saying that they had their fights, but even when they fought and argued they always made up before bed; since Jensen had always tried to live by the motto ‘never go to bed angry’ and he fully believed in that now after he’d lost so much time with Jared.

Now he dropped his jacket on the floor, worry still plain on his face. Jared nearly fell over their small, newly adopted tabby cat in his haste to get to the stairs. He feared if he didn’t find Jensen soon that his buried worry over his boyfriend being hurt or worse yet, gone, would explode his brain.

“Jensen!” when a fast look downstairs and out the back door yielded nothing Jared took the steps two at a time to lunge for the door to the master bedroom only to lose his balance when the door opened just as he was reaching for it.

“Omph!” he grunted in surprise when he stumbled and nearly fell, only to feel strong hands catch him.

“You make more noise than all the animals put together when they run up those steps,” Jensen chided good naturedly, after he made certain Jared wasn’t going to fall over. Lifting an eyebrow he asked, “You okay, Jay?”

“Am I…?”

Jared stared but then his hands were on Jensen’s arms to grab onto him so he could look him over as if checking for wounds or bruises or other signs of distress. “I don’t care about me, Jen!” he shot back, heart still racing while his temper was on the surface just from the thought of his boyfriend being confronted with the bastard who’d hurt him.

“Carly was by and said…” he had to stop, take a breath and try to calm down when he realized Jensen had somehow gotten him to sit on the bottom of the bed. “She said… _he_ was on campus today and that she saw him looking at you.”

“I tried to call you like a hundred times but you never answered. I didn’t know if you’d seen Parker or if he tried to talk to you or what he said or even what the hell he was doing back there since when they fired him the board made it clear that he had to stay away from the campus and the students so…mmhm.”

Jared groaned into the mouth that claimed his; breathing slowing down as Jensen’s hands began to run over the muscles of his chest through his shirt.

Jensen held the kiss, his tongue and teeth playing and teasing Jared’s mouth and bottom lip until he felt some of the tension leaving his friend’s upper body and the younger man slowly melted against him.

“I’m sorry you’ve been worried, Jay,” he murmured against his lips, fingers sliding through long dark hair because he knew Jared enjoyed it and it also helped to settle Jensen down if he was tense. “My phone died this afternoon so I didn’t know you were calling me. I’d never ignore you if you called me. I promise you that.”

“I know, I know,” Jared sighed, debating what he wanted more: the kisses or to find out what happened. He could see that despite trying to shield it that something was bothering Jensen.

“What he say to you? Did he touch you?” he demanded, temper sparking at the thought of the bastard putting his hands on Jensen even after all this time. “I’ll break something vital off of him if he…”

“Have I ever told you how hot you are when you’re being all protective and cavemanish?” Jensen brought their mouths together again only this time he softened the kiss, fingers slipping under the shirt.

“I’d been pulled into the dean’s office this morning since he knew I was one of the students Parker had messed with. He wanted me to know the asshole was trying to beg the board to give him his job back…shhh, stop growling, Jay,” he was quick to latch onto Jared’s arm when he tensed again.

“He was told he was blacklisted by the college, and that the head of administration would do her best to make sure he never got close to a classroom in any state again.”

“He saw me, recognized me, and approached me in the hall in between sociology and calculus with the excuse that he wondered if I’d have coffee with him so he could talk to me.”

Jensen knew what Jared’s reaction to that would be and so stayed still when his boyfriend shot to his feet to stalk the bedroom while offering sharp, harsh swear words.

“I laughed in his face and told him that if he ever came close to me I’d file a restraining order against him and also reconsider a personal suit for all the emotional damage he caused. I also thought to mention that if he ever came close to me again that my boyfriend would rip his throat out.”

“That, and maybe cut off another body part that he doesn’t deserve to have,” Jared muttered. Blowing out a breath he turned and dropped to his knees next to where Jensen sat on the bed; leaning his head against his thigh.

“You okay after that,” he asked concerned. “You could’ve come to the garage after your last class. I wanted to cut out early but Ronny called in sick so I had to get the Buick finished. I wanted to come home as soon as Carly left, Jen.”

Running his fingers through Jared’s hair, enjoying the silkiness as the strands fell through his fingers Jensen smiled calmly, lovingly, “I had to do this alone, Jay. I had to show myself that I could see Parker, even have him get close to me and not freak out or fall apart or let the memories that seeing him still brings back take me back to how I was before I ran away from you.”

He looked down into Jared’s eyes to brush the pad of his thumb along his jaw. “When I left the campus I knew if I’d’ve come to you right then I probably would’ve fallen apart because you make it so easy for me to let go and I knew I couldn’t do what I did if I’d let you comfort me.”

“What you…did?” Jared repeated, lifting his head only enough to peer up past his own bangs to see that Jensen actually appeared calmer, more at peace than he’d been that morning before they parted to go to work and classes.

“Jen? What exactly did you do, and will it have me breaking any laws to get you out of trouble?”

Jensen’s lips curved as his hand curved around Jared’s jaw, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear. “No, but you might be seeing Steve and the local DA a bit more if Gen decides to go through with this,” he replied explaining slowly.

“After seeing Parker today I realized he’s never going to go away if someone doesn’t take a stand so…after checking with Steve at the station to make sure they still kept rape kits for cold cases or unreported ones I met with him and Gen to say that if she could locate more of Parker’s victims who’d be willing to testify now or face him that I’d press civil charges as well as criminal ones since Steve said the statute of limitation hasn’t expired for my case.

“If I’d have seen you first I was afraid I might not have the courage to take the first step because I’d be worried how going public with this might affect you or your life or…hmmm, I did teach you too many tricks it seems,” he murmured after Jared leaned up to kiss him.

“I am so proud of you for doing this and even if this would affect me or my job or anything I wouldn’t give a damn because I will be right beside you through whatever this brings,” Jared promised thickly.

He was thrilled at the courage and determination that Jensen still had and he would do whatever he could to help him starting right now. “I think we should order pizza in and celebrate.”

“Well, since I aced my calculus test today I was thinking dinner out at an actual place with tables and menus that have food with really long names that basically mean something simple.”

Jensen wasn’t adverse to pizza but since he was in a good mood and actually feeling more like the man he’d been three years earlier he had the urge to face the public. And also to show Jared off, since if they went to an actual restaurant that meant his boyfriend would wear his good jeans that hugged him in all the right places.

“Sure, we could go out to some fancy place with actual tablecloths and a wine menu that neither of us know a thing about,” Jared agreed but the drop in his tone had Jensen’s eyes lowering to watch the younger man’s face as his smile turned mischievous and also sexy. Jared’s fingers moved up to slowly begin to work on Jensen’s belt.

“But if we go out to eat, especially to a fancy place, I don’t think I’d be allowed to suck you off during dinner or lick dropped sauce off your stomach or…”

“Pizza it is then,” Jensen quickly decided. Fancy could wait for another night as he could feel himself getting hard just from the mental images that little description had put in his head.

“You calling or should I?” he asked and then forgot what he was asking when his belt was tugged free of his jeans to allow Jared’s busy fingers to get to work on the button and zipper. “Or we could forget food all together and just make out.”

Jared smiled as he got the jeans undone to move between Jensen’s legs to begin the process of tugging them down, which was made much easier when his boyfriend lifted up enough to help. “Oh, we’ll eat and I’ll call out for pizza but first…” he grinned more as his hazel eyes began to darken with the same lust he could feel building in his blood as the jeans came free along with the boxer briefs to leave Jensen in only his t-shirt until it was pulled off much to Jared’s delight.

“But first I want to give you something…like you gave me last night.”

“Fuck, Jay,” Jensen groaned, fingers reaching to skim through Jared’s hair as he lowered his head to slowly lick over the slit in his cock, that was already hard and leaking precome, before gently sucking it between his lips. Jensen’s fingers closed tightly around dark hair as his boyfriend showed how the lessons Jensen had taught him years earlier had stuck with him.

“Damn. That’s…yeah, like that, babe,” he lost himself in the sensation of his cock enclosed in moist wet heat as Jared sucked on it with alternating speed while his tongue licked along the sensitive vein on the underside. “Jay…fuck…”

Ever since their relationship passed beyond sloppy kisses and awkward touches Jared had longed for the time when he could give his lover the same mind blowing satisfaction that Jensen had always given him. It had taken him some time and lot of practice to be able to suck Jensen with the skill he had now but it was worth it every time he swallowed him down and heard the low moans of want and pleasure escaping Jensen’s lips.

This wouldn’t take long but then Jared hadn’t planned on it taking a lot of time. He knew they both enjoyed the slow and in depth times they shared, like he looked forward to later on that night, but Jared also knew that both he and Jensen liked the quick and needy times as well.

Jared had been hard from the moment Jensen’s fingers dug through his hair to scrape his nails against his scalp. Now his own cock, trapped in his clothes, was hard, aching and dripping but this wasn’t about his own pleasure. This was about giving Jensen the attention that Jared would never get tired of showing.

His fingers were moving along Jensen’s thigh while his other moved down to rub himself through his jeans, since Jared knew if his jeans came off they’d never get pizza ordered. He felt the fingers in his hair tug a bit harder than usual and knew that Jensen wanted his attention so without halting in sucking on his boyfriend’s cock Jared merely lifted his eyes.

Jensen’s bright green eyes were now only thinly tinged with green, more black then green as lust was riding high but also very close to coming; which was what he was trying to warn Jared about in case the younger man wanted to back off.

But instead of pulling all the way off Jared merely eased back until just the head was in his mouth as he changed the depth of his sucking and let the tip of his tongue slide slowly over the slit to feel Jensen’s body stiffen a moment before he let out a low moan that was part sigh and part Jared’s name just as he came hard, shooting come into Jared’s mouth and down his throat as he swallowed.

It was the first taste of Jensen filling his mouth that took Jared over the edge as he felt himself come in his jeans with a soft sound muffled as he worked to finish sucking, milking Jensen’s cock and drawing his orgasm out as long as he could before finally pulling off with a wet pop only to be pulled up and onto the bed with Jensen’s mouth sealing over his in a deep kiss that left them both breathless when they pulled apart.

“I think you broke me that time,” Jensen finally found his voice, laying slumped back on the bed where he’d fallen after pulling Jared onto the bed with him.

“God, that was terrific and I hope no fires break out this weekend so you can practice your CPR on me.”

Jared smirked. He knew out of the two of them that Jensen was the better kisser so he might decide to teach him CPR so he could practice on him rather than the other way around. He squirmed in his jeans and decided he’d better shower and change but was comfortable with his head lying over Jensen’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“Since I’m guessing you came you’d better get outta those clothes and grab a shower while I call for pizza,” Jensen’s fingers brushed Jared’s hair out of his eyes to smile down at him, shifting so he was leaning over his boyfriend and letting their mouths brush in a slow kiss with just a hint of his tongue teasing of Jared’s lips until they opened.

“I’m holding you to that description of licking sauce off my stomach but I also plan to return the favor sometime this weekend.”

Jensen kissed him again and then easily rolled to his feet after whispering in his ear. He grabbed his jeans to pull them on before heading in the kitchen to call out for dinner and feed the animals, but paused in the door to glance back. “Thanks, Jay.”

Jared returned the smile and then hurried to shower and pull on a pair of worn out jeans that would make Jensen roll his eyes since they were faded in some spots with small holes in other places but Jared loved them. He also loved the way his boyfriend, despite his threats to throw them out one day when he did the laundry, would slip his finger into the torn back pocket when they were just sitting watching TV or cooking in the kitchen or even walking the dogs.

It was a way for Jensen to make a physical connection that he still needed to do sometimes and Jared would never complain about being touched by the man he’d been in love with since they’d both been kids. It amazed Jared how much he’d missed the casual touches, the little light movement of fingers on his back or his neck years ago when Jensen had been afraid to touch or allow him to touch him without tensing.

Since getting back together it wasn’t all smooth sailing and Jared knew they’d still have some rough spots especially if the DA decided to take Parker to court and the memories were brought back. This time Jared was older, more patient and knew what he had to do to support his boyfriend through this.

“Pizza’s ordered with extra pepperoni and sauce and green olives but I left off the onions unless you don’t plan on kissing me for the rest of the night,” Jensen turned just as Jared was stepping into the kitchen and found himself wrapped in strong arms with his back against the refrigerator and kissed passionately.

“I love you Jensen,” Jared told him once he broke the kiss to feel Jensen’s arms go around his neck. “I know I say that every day but it will always be true and I will always be here for you and with you. Forever.”

Jensen recalled the last time Jared had said something similar to him and he’d nearly tossed it back in his face because he’d been so raw. This time as he laced his fingers behind Jared’s neck he leaned up to press a feather soft kiss to the corner of his boyfriend’s mouth.

“Forever, Jay,” he murmured, kissing him fully and letting go of his past concerns and fears to give himself to the future.

“Forever.”

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Look for more stories coming soon.


End file.
